If Love Fell Into Us
Newsletter, Fall 2002
Every couple has their beginning.
The heart is captured by exciting possibilities, romance and a
primitive call from deep within the human psyche. We call it
love. We're also captured by a powerful drug coursing through
our veins, intoxicating us, intent upon the evolutionary mandate of
survival. Let's call it desire, or simply, lust. The
rational mind bows to the heart and to the flesh. And there you
are: "falling" in love.
And here I am, across the couch from yet another couple who may be
"falling" out of love, or think they should. I sit, loving
them, loving myself, and forgiving us all. I listen. The
couple's story belongs to a point in time in the evolution of human
consciousness. It is substantially different from a couple's
story of even 50 years ago. Few of us in the western world will
escape repetitions of these two tumultuous "fallings". Our
beliefs about love, sex and committed relationships, the cultural soup
we live in, are primarily invisible to us. We believe in the
promise of romance and the falling. We also believe in the self.
Creative self expression, personal fulfillment, and rebellion against
control and stifling roles are gaining center stage for most of us.
I see this most dramatically in the women I work with. The
battle is on --- between expectations, shifting roles, expanding
wants, out-dated skills and nano-second lifestyles. Even
seasoned lovers of love may be shocked repeatedly that getting what we
want and dealing with our differences in an intimate relationship can
be as hard as it is.
Intimate long-term relationship becomes a primary component of our
existential crucible, our spiritual and emotional growth. Some
call it "the yoga of relationship". It doesn't feel good, or
right, when our partner shows up as different from what we thought, or
different from us in critical areas. The extreme difficulty of
balancing legitimate personal needs and self-realization with
equitable concern for the other topples a lot of good relationships.
These struggles lead many couples to falling out of love or out of
It takes much more skill and personal spiritual
development than ever for a couple to thrive long term or to stay
together happily. I witness over and over one partner entering
the crucible of change and the other's inability or unwillingness to
do more than try to turn back an avalanche. It's hard for
everybody. My compassion for us grows. I try to provide a
bridge to the other side - to a series of new beginnings inside the
relationship that are deeper, stronger, more resilient to change.
Perhaps we need to welcome real love to fall into us. Love
that comes from deeply examining who we are and what it means to truly
honor and love another human being while loving ourself. Love
and peace that passes all understanding. That is personal.
And universal. And exciting.
Top of Page
Healing for Intimate Relationships
The Power of Aligned Intention
An Interview With
Donna Miller (Breitenbush)
Vietnam - Intention Then and Now
Contact Donna by
email. or call 503