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If Love Fell Into Us
Reprinted from Breitenbush Newsletter, Fall 2002

Every couple has their beginning.  The heart is captured by exciting possibilities, romance and a primitive call from deep within the human psyche.  We call it love.  We're also captured by a powerful drug coursing through our veins, intoxicating us, intent upon the evolutionary mandate of survival.  Let's call it desire, or simply, lust.  The rational mind bows to the heart and to the flesh.  And there you are: "falling" in love.

And here I am, across the couch from yet another couple who may be "falling" out of love, or think they should.  I sit, loving them, loving myself, and forgiving us all.  I listen.  The couple's story belongs to a point in time in the evolution of human consciousness.  It is substantially different from a couple's story of even 50 years ago.  Few of us in the western world will escape repetitions of these two tumultuous "fallings".  Our beliefs about love, sex and committed relationships, the cultural soup we live in, are primarily invisible to us.  We believe in the promise of romance and the falling.  We also believe in the self.  Creative self expression, personal fulfillment, and rebellion against control and stifling roles are gaining center stage for most of us.  I see this most dramatically in the women I work with.  The battle is on --- between expectations, shifting roles, expanding wants, out-dated skills and nano-second lifestyles.  Even seasoned lovers of love may be shocked repeatedly that getting what we want and dealing with our differences in an intimate relationship can be as hard as it is.

Intimate long-term relationship becomes a primary component of our existential crucible, our spiritual and emotional growth.  Some call it "the yoga of relationship".  It doesn't feel good, or right, when our partner shows up as different from what we thought, or different from us in critical areas.  The extreme difficulty of balancing legitimate personal needs and self-realization with equitable concern for the other topples a lot of good relationships.  These struggles lead many couples to falling out of love or out of hope.

It takes much more skill and personal spiritual development than ever for a couple to thrive long term or to stay together happily.  I witness over and over one partner entering the crucible of change and the other's inability or unwillingness to do more than try to turn back an avalanche.  It's hard for everybody.  My compassion for us grows.  I try to provide a bridge to the other side - to a series of new beginnings inside the relationship that are deeper, stronger, more resilient to change.

Perhaps we need to welcome real love to fall into us.  Love that comes from deeply examining who we are and what it means to truly honor and love another human being while loving ourself.  Love and peace that passes all understanding.  That is personal.  And universal.  And exciting.

Top of Page

Help and Healing for Intimate Relationships
The Power of Aligned Intention

An Interview With Donna Miller (Breitenbush)
Memories of Vietnam - Intention Then and Now

Contact Donna by email. or call 503 293-1757

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